Covering your arse

It sounds stupid, but when I first started going to the gym a few years a go I didn’t know what to wear.  Seriously.  What could I wear that wouldn’t make me look like I thought I was some wanker gym bunny nor a total beginner.  Since by the age of 20 I’d slowly come to terms with the fact that Harry Potter wasn’t real I accepted the fact that my first choice of an invisibility cloak wasn’t a realistic option.  I chose seven year old Jack Wills trackies and a cotton vest.  Non-chalant, not trying too hard and not lycra.  Perfect.  Except for the fact that whilst avoiding the cliched ‘all the gear and no idea’ look I had instead nailed the ‘no gear, no idea, what a prat’ look.  Less perfect.

I gradually discovered that lycra isn’t evil, just practical, and that wearing the kit my inner PE-avoider was still so skeptical of did not make me look like Sporty Spice (I can only dream) but just another person going to the gym.  Yes there are those girls we see out and about who look fantastic in gym kit even after a hard workout, but the truth is….. we all hate them anyway … so come join the club!


Since then I’ve had quite a bit of kit, some that works well for going to the gym but not for running and vice versa.  Most things are interchangeable, but there is quite a lot of scope for disastrous decision making when it comes to your bottom half.  Please allow me to illuminate…

1. Leggings and Capris… These need to be skin tight.  I mean Sandy in Grease and Halle Berry in Catwoman tight.  Or else they will fall down and you will look stupid (AND CATCH CHLAMYDIA AND DIE) (I can’t hear a bold warning without hearing Mean Girls in my head. Of course you won’t catch chlamydia unless you are capable of looking attractive and flirting whilst running in which case I’m not sure if I respect you or fear you).

That sounds dramatic, but having to pull up your trousers whilst you run is not attractive, not conducive to running and makes you resent all people who share the same air as you at that moment in time BECAUSE NOW THEY KNOW YOU’RE NOT A RUNNER REALLY.  So. Skintight.  If you want to leave a degree more to the imagination (this is a very small degree, kind of like mine in Art History) then you can wear ones with a drawstring but they do still need to be lycra, it’s just that you don’t have to roll them up like tights.

Another thing worth looking for is some form of inner flap or gap around the waistband so you can take out an Oyster Card if you do have to call it a day, or some cash or a card if you look attractive enough to enter the public domain post run to do some errands, go to Starbucks, spend time with other attractive people, have an awesome time, drink some awesome shooters, listen to awesome music and sit around and soak up each others awesomeness.

For full length leggings I really like these.  You do really have to pull them on like a pair of tights though and then make sure they’re all the way up, but once they’re on they’re not budging (pee beforehand).

For capris I’ve had staying-in-place success with these little numbers..

2. Shorts….. Going for a run whilst wearing shorts must be like having been on the Titanic and watching the iceberg come towards you…over and over and over again.  Unless you enjoy your thighs coming up to say hello every time you look down or catch sight of yourself in a shop window then do not wear shorts.  If you’re the sort of person who looks good in shorts then of course this does not apply to you and I’m really REALLY happy for you (lol jks piss off my blog)

On that note, have a lovely day everyone!



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